September 15, 2024
Nine years! It has been 9 years today since our sweet baby boy passed away. In some ways it seems like only yesterday, in other ways it seems like an eternity. At least I have comfort in knowing where he is spending his eternity and I know where I’ll spend mine. Let me ask you, do you know? I know it seems like a cliche question, but the truth of the matter is our time is growing short. When I hear of local and world events I am disturbed, but I am glad to know that my son is safe in the arms of Jesus. The Bible tells us in John 16:33 “….in this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I (Jesus) have overcome the world”.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, or just beaten down by worries and trouble, take heart; you are not alone! I know the hurt is real, I know the grief never fully goes away (you just learn to carry it), and I know it may seem hard to see past this moment but don’t lose hope. The dawn is on the horizon, and, with Jesus, there will be joy in the morning!
If you want to know more or just need someone to walk along this journey with you, then please reach out! (See our “Contact Us” page.)
“…weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” - Psalm 30:5
September 22, 2022
Do you feel weary? Have you been carrying your grief and feel like you are weighed down and burdened? You aren’t alone! Just keep pressing forward, one step at a time; or should I say one moment at time!! We just recently honored our baby boy’s 7th birthday and the anniversary of his passing. It’s funny because a lot of friends and family will text us on his birthday with messages letting us know they are praying for us and thinking of us (which is sweet), but to me his birthday is still a celebration, a day to remember him and the moments we had with him. The anniversary of his death is another story. Not too many people reach out on that day, even though that is the harder day for us. That is the day when we are reminded of the sadness and grief. We have one friend who always gets a birthday card for London and writes a personal note in it for him. We just love that because for us, it keeps him memory alive! All that being said, we prepare ourselves emotionally for those dates, but it’s the random moments, thoughts, and reminders that catch us off guard and hurt the most. Even after 7 years I’m still grieving the loss of my precious baby boy. Carrying grief can make you weary, but for us Jesus helps lighten that burden. When I feel weary, weak, and lost, He comforts me, carries me, & guides me. You don’t have to go through your grief alone and you can find the strength you need in Jesus.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ”
September 11, 2021
If you’ve seen my previous posts you will notice there is a pattern….London’s Birthday & Mother’s Day. Just because I don’t post more often doesn’t mean I don’t think about my son every day. Some days are filled with fond memories, like how he looked like his father when he scrunched his forehead, or how he responded to the sound of my voice. Other days are filled with grief and sorrow, thinking about what could have been and how much I miss him. I often think about all the moments his father and sister are missing out on. It is really hard to believe he would have been turning 6 years old and its even harder to believe that it was 6 years ago that he went from happily kicking in my belly to abruptly struggling to live. I have been truly blessed in my life….blessed with a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a loving son. Not to mention the rest of my family and friends, God is truly good! But does that make the loss of a child any easier or less painful? No and yes. No, because the pain is real and lasting but having support and others to walk with you helps make it bearable. I can’t imagine anyone dealing with the loss of a child without any support; that is the purpose of London’s Bridges, to help walk beside others who are suffering the loss of a child. If you are dealing with that loss and feel alone in your grief please reach out. I offer an understanding ear and shoulder to lean on.
“Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am’." - Isaiah 58:9
May 2, 2021
Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. A day that was created to acknowledge mother’s who have suffered the loss of a child (at any stage).
Mother’s Day was originally created by Anna Jarvis to honor her own mother, Ann, who had a dozen children but lost all but 4. Later, International Bereaved Mother’s Day was created by Carly Marie Dudley in 2010, a few years after the loss of her stillborn son Christian. She wanted to help heal the hearts of other hurting mothers. She believed that Mother's Day should include all those who have experienced loss, as well as those who have been unable to conceive. The goal of the day is to change Mother's Day so that it includes those who feel left out of it. Dudley wants International Bereaved Mother's Day to be a temporary holiday, and for the hurting mothers to eventually become a part of Mother's Day.
Regardless of which day you celebrate or acknowledge, know that you are honored. I celebrate ALL mother’s who have loved their children with all their hearts. Doesn’t matter what stage you are in, grown children, young children, pregnant, or trying to become pregnant; suffered loss or not. When you give your heart to your child (present or future) you are to be honored and celebrated.
So here is to ALL of you! I pray God keep you and bless you on this day and everyday!
September 11, 2020
London would be 5 years old today! Part of me longs to hold him and to know what he would be like if he were still with us, but then another part of me is at peace knowing that he is safe in heaven, especially considering the state our world is currently in. But, even among all the chaos and unrest around me I find inner peace and joy through Jesus. My grief may be strong but God is stronger and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13), including bearing the weight of losing my baby boy. Even after 5 years the loss is just as heavy, the difference is God (and my family) have helped me carry it and with that, I’ve grown stronger.
We all have experienced loss in one form or another and everyone experiences it differently, there is no wrong or right way to grieve. The important thing is to take it one step at a time, doesn’t matter how long each step takes or the size of the step; just continue to move forward and let those who love and support you walk beside you!
Be encouraged today that: you are not alone in your grief, even though it can feel very lonely at times, you are loved, your grief is acknowledged, and your baby is remembered!!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart; I have overcome the world!”
September 11th-15th, 2019
It is so hard to believe that this year would be London’s 4th birthday! It just seems like yesterday that he was rolling and kicking in my belly. I can remember my husband rubbing my belly and laughing at how hard he would kick. I can remember my daughter talking to him and getting excited when he would respond by moving around for her. I can also remember my daughter later reading and singing to him when he was in the NICU. All of it brings tears, heartache, and a smile (believe it or not). Although the memories hurt, at the same time I treasure those moments that we had and that is what makes me smile. My daughter asked me to take her to the store the other day so she could buy London a birthday present. This was another moment where you feel joy and sadness at the same time. I was very blessed by her request but at the same time my heart aches.
I often hear others say how strong I am and how they can’t get over how I’ve dealt with the loss but the truth is I’m not strong, I have mornings where I’m crying in my car most of the way to work. I have nights that I wake up and still can’t believe that any of it happened. I occasionally get, what I call, phantom sensations as if I were still pregnant. Those who have not experienced this kind of loss probably would not understand what I mean, but those of you who have probably do. If I seem strong, if I seem to handle it well, it is only because of God’s strength and the amazing support of my friends and family.
Which is why I want to invite you to reach out if you have experienced loss and need support. Maybe you just need to talk to someone who understands what you are going through or just need someone to simply listen. I would be honored to hear your story and walk with you on this journey because it is a long road and we can all use a friend.
“Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
September 11th - 15th, 2018
We have once again reached that time of year… My little guy would have turned 3 years old on September 11th this year, but instead September 15th marks the 3rd anniversary of his passing. I had a friend ask me about my grief and if I felt like I hit my lowest point. My answer was complicated because there wasn’t one specific lowest moment in my grief, there were several. I explained that most people think his birthday or the date of his passing are the hardest days, but the truth is I’m prepared for those days. I know those days will be hard but they are expected so I’m able to mentally prep for them. It’s the unexpected that catches me off guard. The moments where all of a sudden something reminds you of him and you don’t have time to put your wall up and the emotion gets stuck in your throat and tears instantly sting your eyes. That’s when you have to quickly distract yourself before you completely breakdown. That being said, this week has been really tough, even though I prepped myself mentally I found that I struggled with coping. I think sometimes we try so hard to “have it all together” that it eventually catches up. It’s in those times that we have to remind ourselves that it is ok, we don’t need to “have it all together”, we need to allow ourselves to grieve when and how we need to. I will always grieve the loss of my child but I wont always grieve the same way. If you are grieving the loss of a child, whether it has been years or recent, know that you are not alone in your grief and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
When I feel overwhelmed and lost I turn to God because through Him I find peace and rest for my weary soul and I know He can do the same for you.
“For l will satisfy the weary soul and replenish every sorrowful soul.”
September 15, 2017
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of our sweet baby boy, London, passing away. 4 days ago, September 11th, was his 2nd Birthday! A lot of our friends and family showed support that day, but the funny thing is that day wasn't the hardest for me; today is the hardest! To me his birthday is a reminder of getting to see my baby for the first time, it reminded me of our daughter singing and reading to him, and it reminded me that even though it was too soon and the events leading up to his birth were scary he was there and he looked strong and healthy! Today however, when there has been no calls or text messages from friends and family, that the two people who held him while he passed away are the two who are mourning together today! But, in the midst of everything I'm still reminded that God is still walking with me, he is still grieving with me, and He (along with my husband) are there to comfort me. They say it gets easier as time goes by but the truth is it never gets easier, the grief doesn't lessen, but through the grace of God you do become stronger and are able to carry it, especially when you let Him help you.
“Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, “Here I am”. ”
June 18, 2017 is Father's Day. A day to celebrate the men who care for, protect, and provide for their children, but let us not forget the father's who have lost a child. We tend to concentrate on the mother who has lost a child but overlook the father who is grieving as well. A lot of father's tend to grieve in silence because they want to be strong for those around them but let's not forget that they are hurting too! Remember to celebrate ALL Fathers and thank them for all they do for their family.
Mother's Day
Sunday, May 14, 2017 marks a day to honor ALL Mothers. The mother whose children are all grown up, the mother whose children are still young, the mother who is pregnant, the mother who has lost a child (at any time, age, or stage of life), and to the ones who are a mother at heart.
We say "thank you" to all the mothers out there. You are appreciated, you are loved, and you are never forgotten.
May 2017
International Bereaved Mother's Day is on May 7th this year. It is a day for us to remember ALL moms, because becoming a Mother starts in our hearts.
"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb" Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)
December 2016
The Christmas season is full of excitement and events but for those who have lost a child the holidays can be bittersweet. The hustle and bustle of the season can become overwhelming and we may find it hard to say "No" when we are asked to participate in numerous events or projects; but it's important that you know your limits and don't overextend yourself. It's ok to say "no" and you shouldn't feel guilty.
It's important that you take time for yourself. Take time to rest, to grieve, to think about your baby, or to simply just breathe! You may even want to start some new holiday traditions to honor your baby...
-Make a special ornament
-Donate a toy or gift to a charity in honor of your baby or find an angel tree and donate all the items on the list.
-Light a candle in honor of your baby. You can sing a song, say a prayer, or just have a moment of silence.
The important thing is that you take time to remember your baby your way.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matt. 11:28
November 2016
There will be days, long after the calls & visits stop, that you will feel like everyone has forgotten and that you are alone in your grief, but let me tell you that everyone hasn't forgotten. I often found in those moments God would urge a friend or relative to communicate in some way but even when I didn't hear from anyone I still knew that God was mindful. People will let you down, because we are all human, but God is faithful. You are never alone and when you grieve He grieves and He understands what you are going through better than anyone.
"We do not grieve as those who have no hope." I Thess. 4:13
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